We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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