you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
