my phone needs a breathalizer
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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