I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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