so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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