Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
