I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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