I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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