Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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