brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
