Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
worst night to have a conscience
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
