You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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