I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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