Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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