the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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