I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
