I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
