With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
