Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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