half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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