There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
