Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
