i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The ass gains better be worth it
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