Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
