Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
