i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
