We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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