Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The Olympian is in my bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
