Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
