$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
