This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
