I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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