yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
