Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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