I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
two words...techno handjob
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
