Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
