He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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