my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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