Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
