I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
