I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
