Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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