Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
