you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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