I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
