Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize