...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
