guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
