god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
