dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
