I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
