I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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