booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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