I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
