The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
