The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
