Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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