you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
