I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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