YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
