she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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