And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
