If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
