i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
