i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
