i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize