I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
