nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
two words: eviction party
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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