watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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