Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
