You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
