yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
