I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize