I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just tell him i said nine months
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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