you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
