I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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