I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
