And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
